I wish…

I’d been wanting to post something for a long time. Sadly, it seemed like I just ran out of topics to post about. And a few days back, a friend asked me why I wasn’t posting any more and I realized this was it. I had to post something. Apparently the reason I’d been experiencing a writer’s block was that there were a few things I hadn’t come to terms with..and I felt like I had to post about them. But that would mean getting back at some people and that wouldn’t be a nice thing to do. Finally I got them cleared and here I am on the verge of another rant.

I just seem to be so busy these days. I barely get time off. I long for those good old days when my whole responsibility was getting to college on time, rushing home in the evenings… with a little bit of studying in between if possible.

I have learned to manage my time quite effectively so that I do get a little bit of time for spending with people who care for me. But things get quite tough when you work for literally 24 hours a day, for 7 days a week. You just don’t have any time left for yourself in the end. And I really need to rethink about my life if I end up going to work straight out of the hospital where I got admitted in when I got sick.

Life’s getting fast paced. We  have to move along with it. I concede. Is it always going to be like this? Wish everything would  just slow down a bit. I want one whole day all to myself.. Want to sleep in late, want to spend time with my mom, friends, my choir, my??? my keyboard..my blog..But now it all seems like a mere imagination. Just a futile day dream. Or sometimes even a nightmare of which I’m scared that I might never escape.  It isn’t as if I don’t like this new world I’m in, rather I don’t want this to be permanent. Something isn’t quite right when you’re in the middle of Madagascar 3 and you end up getting a call from work. And it isn’t even your working hours.

People in the metro seem to be used to the adrenaline rush and the stress of everyday work here. They can’t seem to tolerate it when things slow down. I don’t want to become like one of them. I don’t want to become a workaholic. I want to work as well as have time for the things & people I love. Is it so wrong to ask for?

I think this rant was pretty much selfish, but somehow I’m feeling quite lost at this moment. I’m not stressed, but I’m not exactly ‘alive, alert, awake, enthusiastic’ either. Wish I could do something about it..

Not quite the end of this post.. but..wonder why..

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FAMILIES- REVISED

 

   I kind of got a writer’s block, but this issue is something I wanted to talk about for a long time. It’s a touchy subject and not a very pleasant one for me either. Please bear with me.

 

   I used to have qualms about being the kid of  a single parent. I won’t really explain much, but that created quite a bit of social awkwardness, and sometimes I do think I’ve missed out a lot in life because of this. Also, I think this accounts for most of my weirdness. It’s even more horrifying when I see kids in my situation, it is as if I’m seeing myself growing up. I feel so bad that I don’t want anyone to end up in a situation like myself.
Sadly there are even worse things. I do come across innumerable incidences of domestic abuse. Even though it may not be physical, most often words can also hurt as much. I’ve come across individuals living in homes where parents constantly quarrel with each other. I feel so terrible about them, and most us would be familiar with the extent to which domestic abuse hurts the kids.

 

   These are just the worst case scenarios. Still there’s some goodness left here on earth. We are lucky to have peaceful  & happy families, and I think that’s one of the most wonderful things in this world anyone could have. I guess our world still survives because of that. Seeing them, I really do wish whole heartedly that there would be more & more families like that.

 

   May be I see so many broken homes because of the way I am. For those of us who come from the better side of things, we can’t be oblivious to the reality. Reality is that, things are changing. More families are being torn apart. The divorce rates are increasing even if it isn’t a dramatic rise. More and more people are afraid of getting married. We are just left speechless, as kids these days end up doing unimaginable things. We play the blame game on mass media, gadgets etc. But what if the core problem lies at the heart of the society? Our families.

 

   Today’s average student pursues ‘sex without strings & marriage without rings.’ While this holds true in the western culture today, I don’t think it’ll be long before some people here start to think like that also. What is going to happen to kids then? I can’t even bear to imagine.

 

 Feels as if we are building floor after floor in the tower of life while we ourselves are destroying the basement.

 

   I confess I’m inexperienced to write about these things, but is all these because we have distorted the definition of love? As far as the movies & songs go, it is just a flutter of the heart, a surging emotion you get when you see your ‘special someone’.

 

 But what if love was something more? ‘Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will to love somebody, you can’. Isn’t that how our culture had survived all these ages? Today ‘love’ has become one of the most used & misused epithets ever known to mankind.

 

   This is the post-modern age where quite a few people have gotten ‘enlightened’ and yearn to break free from their moral obligations. These situations haven’t become apparent in our society very much. But it won’t be long until things come out into the bright day light. I wish we’d pause & think about the consequences. Sure you can live as if everything’s just relative, and you are free to do whatever you want. But what if the whole world decided to think like that? Can you just murder someone because you just feel like it? Or can you rape someone just like that and escape from the consequences of your actions? We’ll just be left with the empty shells of our bodies, despairing each day, seeing no hope for our future. Each day our civilization crumbles into pieces, our hands are guilty with ruining the lives of our future generations. Won’t we change?

 

 

Author’s note: I realize I’m at risk if being contradicted heavily, and criticized. But if you do so, please be polite. Thank you 🙂

p.s I’m not generalizing in any way. There are still numerous families made up of wonderful people, there are still people who think values are important in life. The things I’ve spoken about, may be more apparent in western civilization, but they have started spreading their roots in our soil too and it won’t be long before they take hold either. We can’t ignore this fact.

 


FAMILIES..

  

 I kind of got a writer’s block, but this issue is something I wanted to talk about for a long time. It’s a touchy subject and not a very pleasant one for me either. Please bear with me.

   I had a problem when I was a kid. Every time someone asked me about my father, I lied. As I didn’t have a fixed excuse, pretty soon I got really confused by the numerous made up excuses. I didn’t remember which excuse I made to which person. The whole thing was a mess.

   My childhood days was when the concept of having a single parent was unheard. People understood if your parent died. But they didn’t extend the same understanding when your parents were separated. I was pretty touchy about the fact I guess.

   Sure there unavoidable reasons for getting divorced, but then, I think kids are more of the hapless victims here. I confess I’m a bit of a weirdo. But still now it is shocking to see kids like me. It’s almost as if I’m seeing myself in them. And I sure don’t want that to happen to anyone. Really.

   While this is quite depressing, there is one more thing which is still worse. We used to live near a family with three kids. It was a world war 3 everyday there. The father as well as the mother are alcoholics. They used to lock the kids inside a room and beat them up till they screamed. It was pure terror for me listening to them. One day the father decided to hang the youngest kid from the balcony because he suspected that his wife was having an affair. We were all afraid of them, so we couldn’t interfere either.

This is just one of the innumerable instances of domestic abuse, sadly.
These are just the worst case scenarios. Still there’s some goodness left here on earth and people who do have a peaceful & happy family are indeed blessed. I guess our world still survives because of that. Seeing them, I really do wish whole heartedly there would be more families like that.

   But things are worsening even if insiduously. We are just left speechless, as kids these days end up doing unimaginable things. We play the blame game on mass media, gadgets etc. But what if the core problem lies at the heart of the society? Our families.

   Today’s average student pursues ‘sex without strings & marriage without rings.’ While this holds true in the western culture today, I don’t think it’ll be long before it takes hold in our soil too. What is going to happen to kids then? I can’t even bear to imagine.

 Feels as if we are building floor after floor in the tower of life while we ourselves are destroying the basement. 

   I confess I’m inexperienced to write about these things, but is all these because we have distorted the definition of love? As far as the movies & songs go, it is just the flutter of the heart, a surging emotion you get when you see your ‘special someone’.

 But what if love was something more? ‘Love is as much a question of the will as it is of the emotion. And if you will to love somebody, you can’. Isn’t that how our culture had survived all these ages? Today ‘love‘ has become one of the most used & misused epithets ever known to mankind.

   This is the post-modern age where everyone yearns to break free from their moral obligations. But I wish we’d pause and think about the consequences. Sure you can live as if everything’s just relative, and you are free to do whatever you want. But what if the whole world decided to think like that? Can you just murder someone because you just feel like it? Or can you rape someone just like that and escape from the consequences of your actions? We’ll just be left with the empty shells of our bodies, despairing each day, seeing no hope for our future. Each day our civilization crumbles into pieces, our hands are guilty with ruining the lives of our future generations. Won’t we change?

Author’s note: I realize I’m at risk if being contradicted heavily, and criticized. But if you do so, please be polite. Thank you 🙂

 

Moving on..

Hebrews 12:1 Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.

I guess this is a quite familiar verse to most of us. I was a little intrigued with the throwing away everything part recently. We concentrate so much on running the race that the throwing away part escapes our attention sometimes. We wonder why it is so difficult to run, when in reality we are just holding on tight to the things we’re afraid to let go.  Throwing away everything that is keeping us down looks easy on print. We do hear a lot of pep talks about rising above our troubles, letting go of the past etc.

I’ve struggled with the letting go part so much, that I’ve spent years crying over it. Things change. People change. Sometimes, it feels as if someone just uprooted you and you feel like a stranger on another part of the world. You just can’t help remembering who you were and how life was back then. You just keep holding on to those memories. But suddenly everything seems like so long ago. It’s a sort of an inner struggle trying to accept who you are now. It’s hard to accept the reality that things won’t be the same as before.

I found it quite hard. In fact, I agonized over it for half a decade. I cried almost everyday year after year, which is pointless. But still, reality was too harsh for me to accept. I’m older now, and hopefully, not as foolish as before. I realized that memories are what they are. Just memories. I can’t live in my past any more.  I’m moving on. I’ve let things go. I just want to cling closer to God, forgetting everything around me. It’s the only saving grace I can see now.

Still moving on….

WORST TV SHOWS EVER

 Well, TV shows are just shows I guess. But some shows really got on my nerves and as usual I decided to make a post about them.

 Guess this list might pretty much sum up all that’s there on TV, but still..wouldn’t hurt to post.

1. Soaps!!

    Besides being a colossal waste of time, the producers themselves don’t know which direction the soap is going to take. Honestly, I’ve made my own survey, and realized in Tamil soaps especially, not a single episode goes by without crying. Why would we want to cry over someone else’s fictional tragedies? I somehow don’t get their point.

2. Reality contest thingies..

     I personally think they should be banned. Seriously..watching a bunch of people burst into tears at getting rejected? So not funny. Rejection hurts. It’s universal. Just because we don’t want to go up that stage, doesn’t mean we can laugh at their suffering from the comfort of our home.

   All those shows with kids as contestants? Child Labor!! Kids are supposed to enjoy what they do. If I like singing, I should do it because I like it. When I’m forced to sing, pressurized due to the harsh comments & getting audience votes, would I like it as much as before? Probably not. Most of these shows are just a war between parents trying to show off their expectations & kids end up as poor pawns, anyway. Just plain mean.

3. All those live match making shows :

        This is a sheer mockery of love. If falling in love with someone, going through the rest of the thingies, even marrying them, are just going to be in public display for a bunch of people and cameras who don’t care an ounce about you..It isn’t even mildly nice..

4. Talk shows

     I don’t really have a problem with most of the Oprah shows. If a cancer survivor is going to come on the show and talks about their experiences, well and good. But those that are in Tamil channels…Sheesh.. It’s as if the people on show become victims of all those gossip mongers  who are there watching it.

     There was a girl, who came on the show one day. She was telling how she still loved her ex, despite the fact that he ditched her and married another. As it happened, he was a serial heart breaker. The girl accepted this fact, but still was insistent and told ” I know my guy. I can change him. Please let me talk to him. I want to live with him. “

   As for me, I seriously doubted her sanity. Also, people deserve more than this, isn’t it? I don’t get what’s the point in talking about this so openly in front of a bunch of strangers. We do have something called self – dignity, if I’m not mistaken.

5. South Park, The Simpsons

      This is taking sarcasm , irony a bit too much. Here’s a guy singing a song about homo sexuality, so openly. And kids watch it. Apparently 9, 10 year olds (American kids ) voted this among the best shows. Is this something I’d want my kid to watch? NO. I’d rather my kid watch Disney Cartoons instead, if at all, they watch TV. Personally, I think it is one of the worst influences coming up on TV.

6. Wrestling??
It’s all fake anyway. Plus getting body slammed in real life isn’t really fun.

So guess this list virtually excludes most of the TV shows except Discovery, Animal Planet, History Channel &c.. but then..just thinking..

 


POWER CUT…

   I figured we’re all too familiar with this topic, but I suddenly got a bit obsessed about with it today. Finally I decided to make a post about it..

   I’d been trying to read Faust lately.. ( the guy who sold his soul to the devil..familiar? ) Anyway, there was a line which caught my eye..

Wagner : Sirrah, hast thou no coming in?

 Clown  :  And goings out too, as you may see sir

   In simpler terms, the clown is just telling he loses whatever he earns. In case you wondered what Faust and power cuts have in commonhere’s the thing.

   Power cuts these days are cruel. My home town doesn’t have power supply for more than 12 hours ( 4 in theory ). Here  just 2 hours a day seem like a million years. I just felt like going back in time when mankind hadn’t invented electricity. But then, I decided it wouldn’t work out like it did in the past. Reasons,

  1. Kerosene is rare these days. Anyway we’ll just exhaust fossil fuels sooner, and finally we’ll end up using bicycles, bullock carts.. for people like me who don’t know how to ride a bicycle..Walking!!

 2. Going farther back in time, when we discovered flint stones and used wood for fire.. I don’t think we can afford any more deforestation these days..We’d be just sitting in a big desert seeing mirages of trees. And mirages aren’t a big help, right?

   Our Government has promised that these problems will be minimised once the nuclear power plant at Kudankulam starts operating. Fine..Since we haven’t invented any economical way of producing power from renewable sources of energy,& I’m not in that field of study, I don’t have the right to argue against it. I’ll just be one of the many sitting ducks, living near a virtual time bomb.

   Ok, bringing Faust into the picture now, as long as there are goings out, it makes no point to increase the comings in..isn’t it? I know quite a number of people living in my neighbourhood who bribe  TNEB to escape paying electricity bills. They haven’t paid their bills in ages..even a decade. And all those meetings of political parties with a zillion lights, cut-outs illuminating the night, speakers blaring way past mid-night..who pays those bills? Most of them tap power illegally from our lines only. May be I can’t prove all these, but most of us are witnesses to street lamps glowing to light up the day, right?

   If power is just getting wasted this way, despite all our power saving measures (read : power cuts ), generating more power isn’t going to solve this problem much. At least that’s what I thought. It will be a temporary solution. Agreed. But for starters, is it wrong to try and correct the unnecessary wastage before thinking of generating more power? I’m pretty sure if we minimised wasting electricity , it would at least partially solve our current deficit. Afterwards, if we generated more power, I think it would be more than sufficient for us. Finally we as a country would have a hope of improving.

  This is democracy, where the filthy rich and the poor get richer, and the average middle class Indians get poorer..I am as helpless as anyone else sadly. May be I don’t know much of the technical stuff regarding this issue..May be I’m wrong about the whole thing..But then, I just think this view point is something we can all consider.

  Have a good day. 🙂

 


AN IN BETWEENER – WORDS..

 The previous post was a pure rant.. I admit it..my own rant. I’ll do a sort of in between addition now.
I am pretty much shallow most of the times, but I do get thoughtful occasionally. This is one such thing. I’ll try and keep it as light hearted as possible. Please bear with me.
‘Sticks & stones may break bones, but words will never hurt me’. We might be familiar with the above mentioned quote. Or not. In any case, most of us can agree it isn’t true. For me, both are equally worse.
Getting scolded by a teacher was enough to get me to rant this much as you would have seen in the previous post. But, I pause to think how many times, I’m guilty of the same thing.
I’ve had my share of ‘foot in mouth’ situations. But speaking the first thing that pops into your mind is not necessarily a wise thing to do in all situations. If it is injustice, you need to speak out, fine, go ahead, do it. But then, if it concerns your loved one, or someone who is your sub ordinate, please think again..
People are precious. Relationships are precious. We are supposed to love people and use things. Sadly, nowadays, we love things and use people. I’m not being specific, but, people who are younger than us, or those who are under us..they look up to us, whether we like it or not. We look up to people older than us, our seniors, don’t we? Why can’t we show a little bit of love & kindness when it is our turn…Our parents, our brothers and sisters, our loved ones..they are part of our lives. And just because our parents wouldn’t leave us, doesn’t mean that we can take them for granted thinking we can say anything we want.
As for me, I’m guilty. I messed up big time. There are  words which I wish I hadn’t said, past regrets, memories, lost moments. There are people I have hurt, knowingly or unknowingly. Apologizing does some good, but some things are never the same again..old wounds still shed tears.
I hadn’t planned on soppy posts like these, but guess I’ve been the perpetrator or the victim at some point or another in my life..I’ve said nothing new, still, it wouldn’t do any harm to give this issue another thought, I suppose.
Have a good day.. 🙂